Emo...

i am learning more about myself.
i am in this process to learn more about myself.
to know what i want.

no matter what, i thought, this was pretty memorable for US.
i hope it will still remain a memorable experience for you.
it came to a point where i dont know what to expect,
it came to a point where i no longer expect,
it came to this point, where i know i must do something about it.

many people look at US, they will start to decipher in their own thinking which of course is very natural because every single one of us in this universe looks at the same thing and yet has different kind of "thinking" or "explanation" to it.

however, nobody knows... except US.

Why did you only see the problem and willing to address it now?
Ask yourself, did i not bring these problems up before?
I.. asked myself sooo many times about what is wrong with US.
I.. convinced myself again and again.
when i finally made up my mind to leave this tiny, constrained r/s of ours,
i was questioned.. by people around me.

Why did i leave you?
Why did i leave such a good man like you?
Or,
Maybe you can still be with him?
Maybe you can give him another chance?
OR,
I still hope you can get back to him.

So now, it is not about US anymore.
I have to explain, and tell, and defend myself why i made this decision.
does it ever occurs that i feel uncomfortable about it?
is it still about me?
If it is, then can anyone tell me, do you know or care about my feelings anymore?

a relationship that lasted about 4 yrs plus,
but getting discoloured year by year, month by month, second by second.
i thought i did my best.. maybe i did not.. but i tried.
so.. i am TRYING to do my best.. does this sound anywhere near happy??
i thought, everything should come naturally.
happiness comes from within, and not, TRYING.. to be happy.

A good man deserves to be treated fairly?
So i bad man can be treated nastily??

所以爱情现在已经变成我们必须谦让
就算不开心也要承受
这样是不是叫 - 勉强？
勉强，听起来像是诉说开心的吗？

我可能残忍了点

一直这样的尝试，和反复着一样的问题，我身心疲惫
我已经没有期待了
所有的事情都不是有感而发
不是发自内心的
是说好的
是因为我必须这样而去做
不是因为我想，不是因为我要

就好像变成，我跟着我的心想，是错的

他是好人，我肯定比谁都更清楚
我也有想过可能再也没有人会像他这样爱我
那，我不开心，不快乐
我无法把我自己的一生幸福交给他
我也应该勉强？
真的不在乎我的感受了吗？

那我就应该压抑着自己，
不舒服，不快乐，而继续？

最近觉得，好像没有人在乎我的快乐。
要真心的笑，变成了好艰难的一件事情。

他，是不是我要的，我知道的
你，如果是我要找的人，我一定知道的
到那时候，就算你坏透了，我也会一心一意的，不会放弃
就是这么简单，不是吗？

在爱情里，什么都说不清楚的
有很多很多的感受
是很妙的
如果有感觉，一定会情不自禁，会很自然
就是这么简单，不是吗？

********

a bit EMO... random random...
arghh...